


Jésus's "Date", or The Reason "Drew" Is Asked Out Exactly Once

by Noip13



Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, POV Outsider, Shapeshifting, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 19:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13348203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noip13/pseuds/Noip13
Summary: Everyone's drooling over the hot new guy in martial arts class, but only one exceedingly unfortunate man can gather the courage to actually ask him out.A Beefy Draal story.





	Jésus's "Date", or The Reason "Drew" Is Asked Out Exactly Once

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IncognitoPhenomenon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncognitoPhenomenon/gifts).



> This story takes place in an AU where Draal is turned into a human--like Blinky was in canon--and wants to learn to fight human-style. Credit to the original idea and the AU it takes place in goes to the wonderful Inco, as well as many others on the lovely Trollhunters Discord.

Jésus straightened his shirt, checked that his fly was up, and glanced in his cell phone selfie camera to make sure nothing was off in the facial department. Other than, you know, his many physical imperfections, such as the too-big nose, or the slightly un-symmetrical eyes, or any number of things he wasn't getting into because he didn't need to psyche himself out any more than he already had.

Nope. 

Good. He was good.

He was good to ask out Drew, his Wing Chun classmate, and the man he and half of the rest of the class had been collectively lusting over for the past two weeks.

Jésus glanced up as someone went to leave the locker room, and was treated to the main reason for said lusting: The sight of Drew still pulling a shirt over his head as he walked out the door, enormous biceps flexing, abs rippling, slightly-spiky brown hair just the right amount of tousled, huge, dark eyes furrowed with concentration...the door closed and Jésus found himself gaping like an idiot at a fucking door.

Jésus clunked his head against the locker in front of him, and tried to breathe. 

_God_ , he thought, slightly desperate, _Why did you make me so very gay_.

**

Drew was talking with the instructor, and seemed busy, so Jésus decided to not hang around the dojo any longer. Instead, he loitered by the edge of the crummy strip mall that hosted their class, trying to appear casual, like asking gorgeous, shirt-hating martial arts classmates out was something he did every day. _Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._

Eventually, Jésus's patience was rewarded. Drew emerged from the building, chatting with that skinny kid, Jim, who was always hanging around him. Jésus was pretty sure they were cousins, or something. The pair turned to walk in his direction, and he breathed in. It was now or never.

"Hey, Drew," he said.

Drew ignored him. _God, why._

"Drew!" he said a little louder, and Drew looked up. Jim eyed him suspiciously. _Breathe_. "Could I talk to you alone?" he asked.

Drew looked at him. "Um..." He looked at Jim, checking to make make sure it was okay to abandon his cousin. _Such a sweet guy._ Jim bit his lip, then slowly nodded, and Drew looked back up. "I suppose." 

Jésus exhaled. He had the cousin's okay. That was something. 

He and Drew ambled towards the edge of the parking lot. "So...." he said. _Breathe_. It was hard, with Drew's huge eyes staring straight at him, but. But. But.

"Wouldyouliketogetadrink?" Jésus asked.

"What?" said Drew.

 _Breathe._ "Would you like to meet up after class, and go get coffee or something?" Jésus asked again, flushingly admirably little, in his opinion.

"Coffee?" asked Drew. 

Jésus breathed. "You know, go a place. Do a thing. Together. Like coffee."

Drew pursed his lips. Then, his eyes lit up. "Oh, I get it! Yes! Of course!" He glanced downwards, at Jésus's skinny limbs. "Though, do you think you'll be up to the....task?" he asked, delicately.

Jésus choked. "Yes," he managed to get out, after several seconds of internal screaming.

Drew smiled, and it was amazing. "Alright then! After class, tomorrow!"

**

Twenty-four hours later, Jésus stood outside the dojo, an enormous smile on his face. He had a date with gorgeous, mysterious, friendly, shirt-hating Drew. Friendly, now, because he'd shot Jésus a huge, excited grin during class. 

Half of everyone had stared at him like they wanted to kill him. He was definitely not smug.

Finally, Drew walked out, still grinning from earlier, Jim at his heels, as usual. Jésus raised his hand to call out--

The next thing he knew, he was on the ground in an expertly-applied chokehold, and as those beautiful arms wrapped around his neck and he felt that perfectly-sculpted torso press against his body, he thought, _Oh god this wasn't what I meant when I said I'd like to try breath-play sometime._

"So!" Drew's voice said from somewhere above him, still so very cheerful. "I'm looking forward to seeing how you battle despite your physical limitations. I myself have brought a flail, sword, and--" and the voice pattered on, while Jésus was still stuck somewhere back on the word "flail".

Meanwhile, someone was shouting. A kid. Something about how, "God damn it, Draal, I tried to tell you, coffee isn't a fight to the death!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this trainwreck, because Jésus sure didn't. Constructive criticism is always welcome. "This is fucking trashy," while true, isn't constructive, for example.
> 
> Check out [my tumblr ](http://noip13.tumblr.com/) if you'd like.


End file.
